Affliction’s Lonely Hour

It is two years since my diagnosis and I am still no closer to finding a reason why have become so ill; an idiopathic medical anomaly. My of chronic pancreatitis occurred in the middle first coronavirus lockdown United Kingdom. was solitary experience as shuffled into distanced hospital waiting rooms, fed various machines that instructed me on when how breathe sent back flat await phone call appointment discuss their results. This illness populated by many literary diagnostic voices. The words ‘no apparent cause’ were repeated across letters from consultants GP surgery. As copied ongoing epistolary conversation about health, it often felt like merely overhearing with chance interject. if response, eighteenth-century poets researching gave parallel diagnoses twenty-first century consultants. While had lost energy do most tasks, spent moments brain body reconnected reading taking notes poems health. If could not find answer ill, counterparts pushed delve deeper inside listen own rhythms illness. A 2016 study confirms this be fruitful means discovering pancreas has turned against itself. Presenting ‘diagnostic dilemma’, ‘characterised irreversible morphological change typically causing pain and/or permanent loss function’ ‘beset destruction healthy pancreatic tissue development fibrous scar tissue’.1 attempts conceal itself hiding behind stomach hampers research being inaccessible inflaming at slightest touch. To understand pancreas, seems we need reach beyond consult sources. An article history turns allegory Plato’s cave its conclusion, suggesting those searching are dwellers ‘most our knowledge comes shadows cast disease’.2 We always multiple steps events trigger destroy itself, attempting reasoning for doing through inflammations. There universally accepted standard pancreatitis; instead usually diagnosed array radiological endoscopic tools. But poetic or emotional tools also added list? physician-poet would argue they essential. Mark Akenside’s 1745 Odes Several Subjects wide ranging, though there particular line poet’s physical health collection. His personal echoed pains them language: ‘How thick shades evening close! […] rouz’d grief these fiery pains/Tear frail texture veins’.3 might seem strange comfort works who tried failed times set up successful practice known his harshness towards patients, but bedside manner one spoke while depths episodes flareups.4 Akenside came national fame poetry age 22, he held strong desire continue career path. He received grant local dissenting church ministry, within year arriving University Edinburgh switched medicine. On returning Newcastle early 1742, time working Pleasures Imagination. sold manuscript prominent bookseller Robert Dodsley £120, appeared anonymously 16 January 1744, swiftly becoming popular philosophical century. Notably, presumably money Dodsley, then went Leiden further studies. education directly poetry, seeing therapeutic tool used ease mind body. After England, settled Northampton establish practice. failing entice enough patients away resident practitioner, moved Hampstead where close friend Jeremiah Dyson owned house. attempted use influence among residents help practice, once again Bloomsbury Square provided him substantial allowance home.5 unsettled profession, prolific outputs published March 1745. Solitude appears throughout entire oeuvre, central focus collection odes. changing presentation solitude follows meter each ode, standardised iambic tetrameter pentameter marking introspective Horatian influence, speaker focusing relationship nature potential perils climate ill one’s thoughts. schemes rhyming couplets odes act explore bodily mental ailments. For Akenside, intensely route pleasure. rhymes attempt replicate effects emotions sickness speak cure. Amid garden’s fragrance laid, Where yonder limes behold shade Along glassy stream, With Horace tuneful I’ll rest crouds, care’s disease, And summer’s piercing beam.6 From all which fairest knows, vernal blooms, summer rose, She draws her blameless wealth; And, generous task done, consecrates double boon, pleasure health.7 ‘double boon’ key motif volume rhymed pairing ‘wealth’ ‘health’ individual neat ‘ease’ ode providing respite ‘care’s disease’ opening ode. imagined bower garden understanding wealth combine combat disease encourage both poet reader. Nor boding raven chaunts, near owl’s unhallow’d haunts Will she cares imply; flies ruins tombs, superstition’s horrid glooms, day-light joy.8 Throughout volume, developing narrative transition mind’s ability will out melancholy via thoughts cheerfulness. sets vogue poetics, noting muse steers more light joy rather than ‘horrid glooms’ graveyard. poem’s reference glooms misty graveyards day-to-day seemed distance. sat fog lift, suspended body’s tomb organ atrophying. ideal reader looking for. did pull myself off sofa, perhaps daylight joy. lo, deserted coast How faint light! air! Lo, arm’d whirlwind, hail frost, Fierce winter desolated year.9 pleasing wears wintry night, Spent old illustrious dead! While, taper’s trembling light, awful courts tread chiefs legislators lie, Whose triumphs move eye every laurel fresh-display’d; charm’d taste th’ Ionian song, Or bend godlike tongue Resounding thro’ olive shade.11 solitude, finds himself indulging classical philosophy, allowing imagination take over construct alternate scene distract gloomy damps winter. withdrawal philosophy followed social interaction philosophers past, just resulted convening ‘with dead’ make sense ailing Reading then, power populate solitudes us melancholy. O Fly! ‘Tis dire Suspicion’s mien; meditating plagues unseen, sorc’ress hither bends: Behold torch gall imbrued: Behold——her garments drop blood Of lovers friends.12 Fly far! Already your eyes see pale suffusion rise; soon vein, Soon secret venom spread, heart head Imbibe potent stain. Then come hours shame fear hints horror seize ear; gleams delight Raise deep discord brain, light’ning shines along main Thro’ whirlwinds night.13 skin grew paler glazed looked mirror, quality lines encountered language. relies alliteration stanzas enact sequential poisoning suspicion’s ‘vein’ paired ‘venom’ infects following line, ‘suffusion’ alliterated spread: ‘Soon spread’. continually poetically symptoms ‘gleams delight’ introduce another theme reappears odes: detrimental absence certain amount serve ‘Raise brain’, between ‘delight’ ensuing ‘deep discord’ enacting connection memory anguish such suspicion can cause. Similarly, repetition ‘all head’ connects initial symptom ‘Already eyes’, using assonance document overwhelming interweaving overtakes These vowels language feeling unseen strain lethargy slowly seeping joint In encouraging withdraw body's rhythms, helping build vocabulary what overwhelm Is kind pow’r sooth affliction’s lonely hour? blunt edge teach please? Come, Cheerfulness, triumphant fair, Shine painful cloud care; sweet language, mild mien, virtue’s friends pleasure’s queen!15 Thou, heaven design’d rule pulse, moves mind, Whatever fretful passion springs, brings prize within, disarrange machine, Goddess, master-hand Dost attempter’s command, Repine soft swell strong, Till concord, song.16 definitions cheerfulness related benefits keeping oneself extremes, keen show therapeutically benefit themselves illness-induced solitude. consistently dual meaning ‘composing’ composition calming quieting mind. Just composed [a] song’ sickroom place inwards mortality, ‘yon death-bell’s groaning sound/Renew oppressive gloom, /Till starting shakes room’.17 Here, calls long tradition space dwells corporeality, notably John Donne's sickbed ‘never send know whom bell tolls; tolls thee’.18 Within sickroom, mercy ‘affliction’s hour’, Cheerfulness ‘blunt disease’.19 Alliteration rhythm curative ‘dull, dejected scene’ hears death-bells feels edges ‘dire disease’, mimicking feelings never-endingness apostrophe ‘Come, Cheerfulness’ acts alliterative intervention counterpoint ‘cloud care’, countering melancholic downturn. Virtue’s queen! Asswage flames burn breast, Attune jarring rest.20 begins hold same exemplified illness, wrestling offering ‘gracious gifts’ assuage ‘the breast’.21 ‘attune’ combining expertise. Francis Bacon, Advancement Learning, suggests harmony aligns ‘office medicine’: Poets well conjoyne Musicke Medicine Apollo, because Office Medicine, tune curious Harpe mans bodie, reduce Harmonie’.22 ‘sweet language’, give bodies’ distempers actively ‘jarring rest’ bring whole rhythmic song’. Through course collection, urged wrestle repetitiveness ends poem calling share minds ‘sooth peace corroding similarly care’ beginning ode.23 At point, anticipates cynicism concept pure face overwhelms fibre being. Stuart M. Tave noted, ‘cheerfulness’ word eighteenth century, Joseph Addison Richard Steele vouching beneficial nature.24 description inspired Addison’s formulations Spectator. machine’ human echoes practical written Spectator No. 387: ‘Cheerfulness is, place, best Promoter Health. Repinings, Murmurs Heart, imperceptible Strokes delicate Fibres Vital Parts composed, wear Machine insensibly’.25 child Love Health, promoter turn disarranged tunes steady song. shift throes controlled song seemingly pulls writings 381: ‘I preferred Mirth: does exquisite gladness mirth, liable succeeding depression; filled perpetual serenity’.26 piece Epicurean Horace’s Ode 2.3: ‘An equal storms overcloud, /Maintain, nor ‘neath brighter sky /Let too proud, /O Dellius, Dellius! Sure die’.27 remain order enjoy life before inevitable death, Epicurus argued. reworked maxim ‘man unhappy either unlimited groundless desire; reigning produce [which leads to] blessedness’, levelheadedness met extremes.28 reinterpretations Epicureanism plagued illnesses threw equilibrium extremes. pain-filled attacks, left longer function imbalance. Like scholar second convene ‘illustrious way regain kilter. conception cheerfulness, stepped provide consistent steadier serenity. court muse’s healing spell griefs dwell, Do thou conduct fancy’s dreams indulgent, tender themes struggling breast may cheer, suspend tear, Yet leave charming woe, Which none know.29 mediator extremes pain. Poetry ‘healing spell’ absence, able some ‘tender themes’ tears. ‘charming woe’ experienced friendship love know. conversations woe chronically point should developed confidence Unlike II, end interrupted entrance celebration exist advanced cope stronger reliance imagination. balanced speaker’s inner resources courtesy invocation friend.30 pleasures sociability lover form tempered populates complementary All good, punctuated purely was? But, Morpheus, thy dewy wing Such fair auspicious visions bring, sooth’d great Milton’s injured age, When prophetic saw tribes unborn pious awe virtue heavenly page: Mead’s benignant fancy health’s treasures, art explore, Have saved infant orphan’s woes, sire age’s hope restored.33 Mead, physician dedicated M.D. thesis, Milton encapsulates footing medicine volume.34 Sleep provides dews’, ‘fair visions’ poet, seeks (and sought volume) promote physical, mental, moral well-being image. cures poetry. It, course, cannot heal withering reminds ‘health’s treasures’ immediate something mainly medication care of. ‘prophetic dreams’ ‘tribes unborn’ poetry’s soothing qualities linked futurity. repetitions found cyclical comings spring. closely intertwined Akenside. well-composed compose calm Its map ways not. compositional elements instruct woes fancy. body, produces future incomplete failings, placing hour. Stepping considering allowed engage fully communications, whether stabbing been diagnose me, encouraged indulge pauses, sit interiors. Instead interpreting MRI scans, worked together helped situate develop made foggy existence. Alliterations became decline tightknit irregular served disease’.